Imagine an artificial intelligence therapist who prefers sarcasm and sadism over advice and counseling. If you want a good laugh talk to Dr. Lucy. If you need real help, a laugh is a good place to start. Try telling her you "need advice" or feel "stupid", "fat", or "ugly". She responds to over 100 feelings and provides hundreds of uniquely unhelpful responses. Follow the doctor on twitter @iheartdrlucy
Your Main Message
Use this space to tell people what your company does and why and how it does it. What're you known for? Who likes you? What's your number one competitive advantage?
Include all the things that make your business unique and better than the competition. Do you have a patented 13-step process for taxidermy that results in the most lifelike stuffed owls? You gotta mention that.
Other good things to weave into this copy include: awards won, distinctions given, number of products sold, company philosophy (just keep it short), interesting company history bits, and anything that makes a reader think you'd be awesome to do business with.